NMTE Morning Roundup

CNN political commentator/Mr. Potter look-alike Bob Novak dropped the B-S bomb (if there is such a thing) and stormed off stage during a televised debate on Inside Politics with serial needler Jim Carville yesterday. Moderator Ed Henry has said that he had been preparing to question Novak about his involvement in the leak of CIA agent Valerie Plame’s identity, though sources close to the show would not deny reports that Novak’s hasty departure was due in fact to a “poopy diaper”

Manny Ramirez missed Thursday’s game following his outfield collision on Wednesday. Manny, who showed up at Fenway yesterday wearing dark glasses to cover the noticeable redness in left eye, complained of blurry vision and lightheadedness, though he gave no word as to the source of the sweet, skunky smell eminating from inside the Green Monster.

The Baltimore Orioles won their first game under new manager Sam “Don’t call me Enrico” Perlazzo, stemming the tide of discontent that followed Rafael Palmeiro’s failed steroid test, Sammy Sosa’s lackluster production at the plate, the failed Sidney Ponson deal…oh, and losing 16 of 18 and falling into 4th place in the AL East behind the BLUE JAYS! Suckers.

Walter “The Motorcycle Diaries” Salles will direct a Jose “Also The Motorcycle Diaries” Rivera adaptation of Jack “The Hitchhiking on Amphetamines Diaries” Keroac’s seminal beatnik travelogue On the Road, guaranteeing the single most boring drug-and-promiscuous-sex-addled road picture of all time.

The Cubbies will be activating former sulking Sox star Nomah Gahciahpahrrah and perpetually injured fireballer Kerry Wood from the DL today in hopes of making a last ditch attempt at another heartbreaking playoff collapse.