NMTE (Late) Morning Roundup

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today:

Hopped up Oreos slugger Raffy “The Stanozolol Kid” Palmeiro returns to action tonight against the Tampa Bay Devil Dogs but will not comment on his positive steroid test or any other circumstances surrounding his suspension, according to a statement by agent Arn Tellum. No word as of yet on whether the Oreos will be inserting a giant asterisk on the sign congratulating Raffy for his 3000th hit or simply cover it up with a Raffy-less Viagra ad.

ESPN digs in to CBS’s sloppy seconds, picking up ratings-challenged boxing competition “The Contender”, cancelled earlier this year after poor ratings in its crowded Sunday night time slot, for a new season starting in 2006. Casting of the series has only just begun, but Sylvester Stallone’s attachment as a producer to the project virtually guarantees a repeat of Sly’s awkwardly mumbled opening segments and ill-conceived reenactments of the infamous beach hug from Rocky II, with Stuart Scott in the Apollo Creed role.

Feisty receiver Terrell Owens copped to a report that, during a team meeting on Tuesday evening, he had told Iggles Offensive Coordinator Brad Childress not to “speak to me unless I speak to you first”. According to Owens, last seen leaving his New Jersey home with Snakeoil Salesman Drew Rosenhaus—who was roundly guffawed at by the audience on Letterman last night when he complained of Owens not being paid among the top 10 receivers in the league—Childress "was antagonizing me. He was not talking to me in a business setting." Neither the Iggles nor Childress has commented publicly, with coach Andy Reid simply calling the affair “in-house business” before burying his head in his meaty hands and weeping for reporters.


Florida’s Mike Lowell ended a possible game tying rally by Arizona in the top of the 8th inning of last night’s game by pulling the not-nearly-as-dirty-as-it-sounds “hidden ball trick” to tag out the D-Backs’ Luis Terrero at third. Now if Lowell could just quit playing the old “hidden bat trick” as well, he might get his average above .230.

The cost of crude oil reached an unprecedented $66 a barrel on Thursday, up 65 cents from the previous high on Wednesday. On a personal note, on my way home from Taco Nite at Don Antonio’s yesterday, I noticed a local 76 station with the following price readout:

Regular Unleaded: $2.93/gallon
Unleaded Plus: $3.05/gallon
Unleaded Supremo Ultimo: $3.15/gallon

Does anyone else remember the early 90’s, when Republicans on Capitol Hill used the specter of three-dollar gallons of gas as a scare tactic against allowing Iraqi occupation of Kuwait? The constant cry was that, should we allow this brutal despot Saddam Hussein to run roughshod over the region, our free market would be choked and we would be forced to pay through the nose for our nation’s exorbitant oil fetish. And so here we are, 10-15 years later, having deposed the man that could have caused this spike in crude prices, “controlling” the region through military power and diplomacy with so-called allies in Saudi Arabia and Jordan, and yet paying more than ever before at the pump. This is progress?