NMTE (Late) Morning Roundup

Reporting to you at the crack of noon, here's what's happenin' in the world today (and this past weekend):

On again off again on again landing of the Space Shuttle Discovery is…off again …and on again!

After being cut during the off-season, Ty Law has followed the Curtis Martin route, leaving the Pats to join the Jets, where he will join NFL rushing leader Martin, languishing in statistically-superior-but-Super-Bowl-deprived obscurity.

A lucky paparazzi was shot with a pellet gun outside of Britney Spears’ Malibu home on Saturday night, momentarily dissipating the simmering sexual energy that emanates from Brit & K-Fed’s kinky Elmer Fudd/Bugs Bunny fetish games

The Hollywood Reporter has made the dreams of dozens and dozens of stoned New Edition fans shriek with glee and reprogram their Tivos to catch the additional two episodes of “Being Bobby Brown” just ordered by Bravo

Greatness has returned to the New NHL as prodigal son Wayne Gretzky has agreed to coach traditional league powerhouse the Phoenix Coyotes.

Forgetting momentarily the tragic memories of the 60-year anniversary of the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, the citizens of Japan traded ceremonial candles for foam fingers in order to celebrate the kick off of the NFL pre-season. 50,000 mostly ambivalent Japanese football fans cheered inconsistently as Mike Vick’s backup outdueled Peyton Manning’s backup for a 27-21 victory at the ambiguously named American Bowl in Tokyo on Saturday.