Inane Query Letter of the Week #22

Welcome back. When we last disembarked our normal train of thought and stepped foot onto the dirty, syringe-laden, vagabond-housing, urine-smelling platform of the Inane Query Letter of the Week, we were greeted by Director of Advertising and Public Relations Smokey the Chimp, recently returned from the 17th Dimension, reeking of cheap beer and chock full of crazy misadventurous stories to tell. It took a while to finally sober our excitable simian associate up, but when he came to he delivered a crumpled piece of parchment into our greedy hands. Scribbled on one side was an intricate string of numbers that Smokey was told, if read correctly, would unlock some sort of time-space portal, allowing users to travel freely between the present day and select temporal destinations in pre-industrial Europe. On the other side was a mindblowingly idiotic query letter called SLOSHBALL. Guess which one we’re sharing with ya today:

When a college fraternity declares war on a beloved local bar, the only way to settle the dispute is do what they do best: get SLOSHED and play BALL!"

Genre: Comedy

The wealthy Delta Kai Deltas have recently been expelled from their University baseball diamond for bringing a keg onto the field. But this wasn't some fraternity prank - it was practice! SLOSHBALL practice! Determined to continue their championship season, the cocky Deltas look to build a SLOSHBALL field at their frat-house. The only thing that stands in their way is Mickey's Old Oak Tavern: a beloved hole-in-the-wall dive that sits precisely where the new field will be. The plan is simple, sabotage the bar until they capitulate. But Mickey and his fellow boozehounds aren't going to leave without a fight. The frat offers a generous proposal: a winner-take-all SLOSHBALL jubilee. The stakes are high with both sides poised to make the other leave the block for good. But first, Mickey and the bar boys have to figure out just what the hell SLOSHBALL is!

SLOSHBALL is the inebriated game that is sweeping college campuses and children's playgrounds nationwide. Put simply enough, it's softball with a beer keg. Mitts are allowed, but make sure you can hold your 16 oz cup... and get ready to drink every time the ball is hit (Oh, and don't even think about running to third without "Shotgunning" your beer on second - Thems the rules, babe).

I would like to submit SLOSHBALL for your consideration and be contacted as listed below.

Sincerely,

NAME WITHHELD TO PROTECT THE STUPID

The editorial staff here at NMTE took this week’s query letter to heart and staged a game of Sloshball in the parking lot at lunchtime today, and let me tell you, this query letter doesn’t come close to doing it justice. By the time Smokey hit his third dinger of the game and was forced to chug three beers and recite the American Presidents in reverse chronological order as he rounded the bases, we knew that this would not turn out to be what we call a “productive” day in the office. The things we do for art!