‘I Killed Tony Danza’: Shooting in Memphis Edition

Welcome, dear reader, to a very special IKTD. We are really honored to have as this week’s recipient, Grammy-Award winning singer-songwriter Marc “Yes, I’m still walking in Memphis” Cohn, with us today as the Absurd (Near) Death of the Week.

Reuters reports that, after a concert in Denver on Monday night, Cohn was the victim of an attempted carjacking. The suspect, who was already on the run from the cops, commanded the driver of Cohn’s van to stop. When the driver refused, the suspect shot into the van and the bullet hit Cohn in the temple, but apparently wasn’t going fast enough to penetrate the thick-headed crooner’s sizable skull.

"The bullet hit Mr. Cohn flush in the temple," Denver police spokesman Sonny Jackson said. "He's very lucky it wasn't a fatal shot." Well no shit, Sonny! Ain’t often that a guy gets shot in the head from close range and winds up with nothing but a headache and a Reuters story. But that’s the real kicker of this whole thing! Ol’ Stonehead Cohn was treated and released from the hospital the same fuggin day!

So congratulations, Marc Cohn, the first celebrity winner of the I Killed Tony Danza Absurd (Near) Death of the Week since, of course, our inaugural edition. You are in rare company indeed.


*No washed up TV actors (or Elvis impersonators) were harmed in the production of this column