The Return of Sawx Tawk

It’s an off-day for the road-weary Red Sox as they return home after a harrowing 4-3 trip through the blistering heat of the South Side of Chicago and the friendly territory of the loyal denizens of Red Sox Nation South in Tampa. After splitting a four game weekend set against the White Sox, owners of the best record in baseball, including a Sunday afternoon game where the temperature peaked at 101 degrees, the Sox headed to Tampa, where the Boston transplants are numerous and vocal—repeatedly outdrawing and outcheering/booing/cussing the fans of the hometown Devil Dogs—and where weird shit always seems to transpire for the visiting boys from Boston.

Case in point, this past week’s three game set: after dropping the first game of the series 4-3 on a walkoff double by Aubrey Huff off Savior-cum-Cardiac Closer Curt Schilling—on a ball that seemed like it could have been kept in front of Trot Nixon in rightfield—the Sox managed to reel off two wins against the last place Rays to extend their lead in the AL East to 2 games over the MFY.

But at what cost?

Tuesday’s game in Tampa could prove to be one of the most devastating games of the season for the Sox, a pyrrhic victory to say the least in which Trotsky pulled an oblique muscle while swinging too hard at a Mark Hendrickson meatball and starting pitcher Matt Clement was Bryce Florie-ed in the temple by a batted ball and collapsed in a heap on the mound, eventually being carted off on a stretcher with his neck and spine stabilized and Billy God-lovin’ Mueller sayin’ the Lord’s Prayer as they wheel him off. Not good times. But yet somehow the resilient Sox managed to pull out a win in the 10th (after 6 2/3 shaky innings from the ‘pen) and won another game yesterday with a patchwork lineup that included Alex Cora at second, Kevin Millar in left, John Olerud at first and, if I’m not mistaken, Tom Brunansky patrolling right field and Scott Cooper playing third. Strange days indeed.

And so now, the Sox are back in Boston, a little worse for wear but happy to hear that the bark of the liner that Clement caught off his Abe Lincoln mug was worse than it’s bite, that Schill was able to keep his foot attached after pitching in three straight games and that the MFY picked up ex-Sox Hideo Nomo from the scrap heap (after being dropped by those very same Devil Dogs) to “solidify” their rotation. And so what happens in Boston in the dog days of July with the trade deadline looming and the Sox are teetering on the brink of the unknown?

DRAMA!!!

Gordon Edes of the Globe and Tony Mazz of The Rag laid into Manny Ramirez in their respective papers this morning, lambasting the Sox somnambulant slugger for a variety of indiscretions, including but not limited to:

1. Insisting on keeping his pre-scheduled off-day on Wednesday despite Tito asking him to play after the loss of Trotsky the night before

2. Confiding in SI’s Tom Verducci that he doesn’t appreciate the lack of privacy that the Boston media and fans afford him and that he is, to varying degrees, pursuing a trade

3. Disappearing into the Green Monster a week ago to take a piss while pitching coach Dave Wallace visited the mound and nearly being absent when pitcher Wade Miller went into his stretch for the next pitch

4. Filling a burlap sack with bricks and newborn puppies and tossing it in the Charles

5. Failing to run out a potential double play grounder on Tuesday that he ended up beating out anyway

6. Asking out of a game a last week after the Sox went up by 7 runs and Manny claimed his “hamstrings” were sore

Ok, so the puppy part might not be true (though my source swears by it), but the rest are all quite well documented in the Sports section this morning—and most likely until the Sox pull off a big deadline trade. So I guess my question is, what’s the big fuggin’ deal here? This guy has been here for almost five seasons and you knuckleheads are still surprised by his outlandish, aloof, and sometimes downright selfish behavior? Is it because he’s only hitting .275 and leading the team with 28 dingers, 92 ribbies (92!!! When I just saw that I thought it was a typo!) and a .576 slugging percentage? Is it because the MFY are now hot on the Sox tails after struggling through the first half of the season? Is it because, after winning the World Series last year, these guys have nothing else to complain/worry about? Or is it because riding the Sox biggest b.o. draw when he plays the game his way (as he always has) will sell a helluva lot more papers than “Sox Win Road Trip; Face Twinkies This Weekend”?

Anywho, not that you asked, but here’s my thoughts on the complaints that Mazz, Edes, Eric Wilber, the DirtDogs and many others levied against the much maligned Man-Ram:

1. Manny has always been a “show up, do your job, go home” kinda guy for the Sox. He’s not a balls-out, dive headfirst and wear your scars with pride player. Call him lazy, call him disrespectful to the game, but he’s the type of player who, when promised a day off (and after already swapping days with a scheduled off-day in Chicago) expects to have a day off. Not all players—or people for that matter—will give their heart & soul, blood sweat and tears for their work. Some will. And those players end up swinging too hard, injuring a muscle in their side and being sidelined for 3+ weeks. That’s not to say that I don’t love the way that Trotsky plays, but if everyone played like Trotsky, we’d have a team full of walking corpses and there’d be a fistfight every week. Actually, come to think of it, that sounds pretty awesome…

2. I defer to Manny’s partner in crime, David Ortiz, to handle this one (from the Edes article): ''You think if Manny wanted to be traded only one reporter in Boston would know? Manny isn't unhappy. If he was unhappy, we all would know." Papi could have added that, with the swarm of reporters beating the bushes around Manny’s locker every day, don’t you think Manny might have voiced his displeasure to one of the local beat guys instead of gaijin Tom Verducci? Verducci’s a good reporter and a great feature writer, but he does have a tendency to drift towards the dramatic. Could Manny have been taken out of context? Could Verducci have lead the impressionable (that’s being kind) Ramirez into voicing an opinion of his situation that he might have simply been floating around in his vacuous mind? Is it possible that Manny would be happy playing anywhere as long as there’s someplace to take a piss in left field? Only Manny knows.

3. A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. They didn’t put that door there for the raccoons, y’know.

4. Puppies bark a lot and crap everywhere. The world is better without them.

5. No one seems to complain when Manny takes a few extra seconds in the batters box to watch a dinger sail over the Monster, do they?

6. This is not without precedent; and given that the guy hasn’t spent any time on the DL over the past two years, who wouldn’t trade a few 4th inning departures or days off to rest the aching hammies for a two-week stretch without the most prolific right-handed hitter in the game? Star players get star treatment. Those that don’t ask for the special treatment in days off or inflated salary ask for it in “C”s sewn to their jerseys or barcoloungers in the lockerroom or for the team to draft their cousin or brother or son from Northwest Podunk State and set them up in Single-A Kalamazoo. At least all of Manny’s peccadilloes and demands are out in the open.

So listen, guys, loyal denizens of Red Sox Nation: Take it easy on Man-Ram! I read your columns on a daily basis and I can say with absolute certainty that guys don’t give 100% effort at your job. So please, appreciate this pure hitting spectacle, one that will go down as one of the greatest ever when all is said and done, while you can. Thank him for the times that he does try, don’t dwell on his “Manny being Manny” moments. ‘Cause soon, someone is going to take a flier on the World Series MVP and his $20 million a year contract and steal Manny away from these Sox. Or Manny will get sick of the constant hassle of dealing with a hostile, nit-picking media and call it quits. And when that happens, this team will be missing a helluva lotta fun along with all those ribbies.