“I Killed Tony Danza”*: Blind Drive Edition

Sorry for the delay folks (and by “folks” I mean Jaime, who I’m pretty sure is the only one who gets as big a kick outta these things as I do). This week’s IKTD is the first to come from North of the Border—though a point of clarification is in order: here in LA this term refers to the greater Fresno area, so for the benefit of our SoCal audience, I am speaking now of that vast hoary wasteland north of Park City that we call “The Imperial Kingdom of Canadia”, home of curling, Alanis Morissette and that hilarious talking bear from the Molson commercials.

While this week’s story is far from the most potentially fatal or closest call ever featured in IKTD, it is perhaps the most bizarre and purely, un-ironically funny post to ever grace this space. First, it takes place in a shopping mall (“the city’s biggest shopping mall” to be specific—as if a distinction is truly necessary in effing EDMONTON!”), always a hotbed for publicly witnessed comedic undertakings. It features reckless operation of a motor vehicle, always a plus. It stars a protagonist with an apparent handicap, to give the ol’ heartstrings a good tug. It even has an animal sidekick ferchrissakes! Good luck beating this one, folks.

And if the story itself isn’t enough for you, I totally neglected to mention the absolutely adorable Canadian vernacular laced throughout the article. “Laid charges”! “wending”! “staff”! Is that not the cutest thing you’ve ever heard? Those Canadians are just so precious, aren’t they? With their plaid shirts and earflap hats. SO CUTE!


*No washed up TV actors were harmed in the production of this column