“I Killed Tony Danza”*: Beware of Falling Cow Edition
Welcome back to our regular Tuesday installment of “I Killed Tony Danza”, wherein the untimely death, dismemberment, injury or humiliation of others is heated briskly to the point of boiling, sprinkled with pithy analysis, garnished with everyone’s favorite Italian-American TV personality not named “Raymond” and served to you pipin’ hot and ready to satiate all of your primal hungers for a vague sense of intellectual superiority.
This week, “I Killed Tony Danza” voyages abroad to check in on our simpler, non-Lohan obsessed neighbors to the east in Mother Europe. Early Tuesday morning, an unnamed Croatian farmer was crushed while milking one of his family’s dairy cows, according to the local Vecernji List newspaper. An elaborate explanation involving a milking machine, a startled heifer and the Herculean rescue attempts of the family follows the initial report, but it is what comes next that tells the real story:
Clearly, what this suspect journalist is unwilling (or unable?) to report is the motives the cow had for carrying out such a ruthless act. Instead, the paper focuses on uncorroborated eyewitness accounts of the benevolent nature of the beast—the exploitation of children to hammer home the point is especially ghastly—then provides absolutely no answers as to what happened to the perpetrator of this heinous act. This behooved villain could, in fact, still be at large, plotting further malicious action against the local agricultural population. And yet the Vecernji List and Reuters stand idly by and file these terse reports without asking the tough questions! When will the newspaper industry come clean with their ties to the meat and dairy lobbyists and tell the people the truth?
I am calling on you, loyal denizens of NMTE, to boycott the Vecernji List and all its parents and subsidiaries until this injustice is rectified. The integrity of the journalistic profession demands your action! No more Beef Barrel Politics!
*No washed up TV actors (or cows) were harmed in the production of this column
This week, “I Killed Tony Danza” voyages abroad to check in on our simpler, non-Lohan obsessed neighbors to the east in Mother Europe. Early Tuesday morning, an unnamed Croatian farmer was crushed while milking one of his family’s dairy cows, according to the local Vecernji List newspaper. An elaborate explanation involving a milking machine, a startled heifer and the Herculean rescue attempts of the family follows the initial report, but it is what comes next that tells the real story:
"…the cow, named Lara, had been very meek and that even children could milk her without fear. The newspaper did not say what had become of the cow."
Clearly, what this suspect journalist is unwilling (or unable?) to report is the motives the cow had for carrying out such a ruthless act. Instead, the paper focuses on uncorroborated eyewitness accounts of the benevolent nature of the beast—the exploitation of children to hammer home the point is especially ghastly—then provides absolutely no answers as to what happened to the perpetrator of this heinous act. This behooved villain could, in fact, still be at large, plotting further malicious action against the local agricultural population. And yet the Vecernji List and Reuters stand idly by and file these terse reports without asking the tough questions! When will the newspaper industry come clean with their ties to the meat and dairy lobbyists and tell the people the truth?
I am calling on you, loyal denizens of NMTE, to boycott the Vecernji List and all its parents and subsidiaries until this injustice is rectified. The integrity of the journalistic profession demands your action! No more Beef Barrel Politics!
*No washed up TV actors (or cows) were harmed in the production of this column
posted by bd @ 7/26/2005 03:55:00 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home