Justice: American style

Attention all members of the Star Chamber: Be on the lookout for a 40-year old white woman wearing pajamas being transported by unicorn-drawn carriage to self-made amusement/molestation park in Santa Barbara County.



That’s right folks! Unless you’ve been hiding under a rock, aboard the international space station or spending your time reading REAL news, you’ve heard about the Michael Jackson trial and, most likely, about its conclusion just minutes ago. Well, guess what? A celebrity trial in Southern California ended in an acquittal! Glory be! Personally, I’ve stayed at arms length through this entire ordeal, really not following the daily ebb and flow of the story that captivated a mostly-illiterate nation. I couldn’t tell you the name of the accusor’s dumpy looking mother or what Jacko’s dong looks like or why 12 seemingly sane, logical and impartial individuals would side with a serial pederast instead of a 13-year-old cancer survivor.

In any case, I would now like welcome Jacko back into society and simultaneously invite you, the reader, to cast your vote as to what Michael’s next career move should be. I’ve provided a handful of options below, but by all means feel free to write-in your own guess. Results will be announced…uh…sometime…soon…I guess. On to the poll:

Following his dubious acquittal on all counts relating to his alleged molestation of some little brown kid, Michael Jackson’s next move will be:

a) Take over Rosie's morning talk show slot
b) Three-year contract to be shackled in a Celine Dion-ian prison cell in the basement of Steve Wynn’s new Vegas casino
c) Finally embark on that much anticipated Jackson 5 Victory Tour sequel
d) Accept offer to play Skeletor in John Woo’s new He-Man movie
e) Go back home to "feed the llama"...oh, and diddle some kids.

VOTE NOW!