Inane Query Letter of the Week #12

Thank you to everyone who voted in the first ever Inane Query Letter of the Week Contest! It has been an amazing success with well over four votes registered over the past week. So much of a success that I plan to never ever EVER do it again. Hope you enjoyed it.

But in case you’ve just joined us, or you’ve kept yourself blissfully unaware of the proceedings down here at NMTE, the detailed letters of the competitors can be found here. To refresh your memories after a long Friday of boozin', the nominees were:

1. CHERI THUNDER, a romantic comedy set in the world of cross-gender wrestling (once only the territory of the great Andy Kaufman. Here’s what the readers thought:

Reader Mike D, no doubt a lonely, sickly boy from Brooklyn writes: “Robotic vultures is pretty interesting, but i can't wait till Cheri Thunder is released. Cheri takes it for me!”

Jojo the Dogfaced Boy noted: “CHERI THUNDER sounds like typical lesbian bravado: "Men are foolish creatures until love is involved, then we're ALL a bunch of idiots. Except for women." There. They can use that as a tagline on the poster.”

2. FIGHTING CHANCE, a futuristic Sci-Fi romance that features robotic vultures and mosquitoes. Reader response was strong for FIGHTING CHANCE, as you’ll see:

The tastefully named Benjamin said: “I vote for FIGHTING CHANCE. How can you get more insane than a guy named Stanley who OWNS "France, Germany, [and a company that makes] military Robotic Assassination and Spy-ware."”

An Anonymous reader was of like mind, choosing FIGHTING CHANCE “for the subtle genius of "military Robotic Assassination"”

Reader Stu proposed a rather odd solution to the contest: “Hey, I'll cast the tie-breaking vote for your Inane Query Letter competition...sort of. If the competition is over the FILM the letter is representing, it has to be CHERI THUNDER. On the other hand, if the competition is over the QUERY LETTER, as the weekly segment title seems to be suggesting, it has to go to FIGHTING CHANCE, just for being so ridiculously short about so ridiculous a concept.”

Thank you, Stu, for settling absolutely nothing. Your continued support of the Inane Query Letter of the Week will not go unrewarded.

Before I announce the winner, I would like to take a minute to thank everyone who took the time to read the Query Letters and, for better or worse, made their voice heard. It is your participation that makes this blog so magical. More specifically, it is the participation of readers like the lovely Headoo, a very frequent reader who casted her vote on Monday: “I vote for A QUICKER BLOOD. But only if we can attach Bai Ling as the blood sucking slutty Vietcong general.”

Congratulations to Headoo, who, by voting in the wrong comments section AND for a Query that wasn’t eligible for the contest AND by throwing in a Bai Ling reference to boot, secured her spot as the very first winner of the Inane Query Letter Comment of the Week Contest! Hooray, Headoo!

And now, without further ado, the winner of the aforementioned contest and the official Inane Query Letter of the Week #11 is:

(drum roll on stomach)

“FIGHTING CHANCE”!!!

Whether it was the robotic insects, the prospect of love rekindled or the synthetic vegetables, you readers sure latched on to FIGHTING CHANCE. As a reward for your hard work, I will be placing a call on Monday, in each of your names, to the writer of FIGHTING CHANCE, requesting a copy (or ten) delivered to your home/office. And that, dear readers, is when the real inanity begins!

Now, on to this week’s winner.

Knowing I had the contest unveiling and the comment transcribing already situated in this week’s column, I was reticent to go with this week’s winner when the possibility of being overshadowed was so great. However, I am hardly one to look a gift horse in the mouth, so when Joe delivered this blast from the past to my desk earlier this week, I knew I couldn’t wait. Behold, one of the greatest film concepts of all time and the true inspiration for the Inane Query Letter of the Week. The one, the only:

MIME COP!!!