“I Killed Tony Danza”*: Eat Hot Lead Edition
I must admit, I am quite pleased with today’s edition of the “I Killed Tony Danza” Absurd (Near) Death of the Week. First off, today’s story come from Florida, specifically the northern part of state that the Snow Birds in Boca and the Cubanos in Dade would rather forget exists. Northern Florida is the epitome of the Deep South, the pickup truckin’, Jeb Bush lovin’, You-Might-Be-A-Redneck-Iffin’ center of the known universe. Thankfully, northern Florida has produced some of the most sublime and ridiculous news stories of the “oddly enuff” variety over the past few years to keep peculiarity-hawks like myself in business.
Case in point: Meet Wendell Coleman, a 47-year-old Jacksonville man who awoke on Monday morning with a “very bad headache”, swollen lips, powder burns on his cheeks…oh, yeah, and a bullet lodged in his tongue!
Sadly, we are not treated to a comment from the unfortunate Mr. Coleman, but we are told that Coleman spoke to police, telling them that he’d had the barrel of a gun stuck in his mouth and that he had “heard the gun go off”. After being shot in the face, of course, Coleman did what any other self-respecting drunkass redneck motherfucker would do: he went home to sleep it off.
Congratulations, Mr. Coleman. You're blatant disregard for mature conflict resolution, basic medical science and firearm forensics have earned you the title of this week's Absurd (Near) Death of the Week. You can pick up your prize as soon as you are able to say "Who's the boss" 10 times without lisping.
*No washed up TV actors were harmed in the production of this column
Case in point: Meet Wendell Coleman, a 47-year-old Jacksonville man who awoke on Monday morning with a “very bad headache”, swollen lips, powder burns on his cheeks…oh, yeah, and a bullet lodged in his tongue!
Sadly, we are not treated to a comment from the unfortunate Mr. Coleman, but we are told that Coleman spoke to police, telling them that he’d had the barrel of a gun stuck in his mouth and that he had “heard the gun go off”. After being shot in the face, of course, Coleman did what any other self-respecting drunkass redneck motherfucker would do: he went home to sleep it off.
Congratulations, Mr. Coleman. You're blatant disregard for mature conflict resolution, basic medical science and firearm forensics have earned you the title of this week's Absurd (Near) Death of the Week. You can pick up your prize as soon as you are able to say "Who's the boss" 10 times without lisping.
*No washed up TV actors were harmed in the production of this column
posted by bd @ 6/21/2005 03:11:00 PM
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