Halo Victories

On the heels of my groundbreaking decision last Friday to present the Inane Query Letter of the Week segment in a multiple choice format—the current scarcity of votes has caused me to a) weep aloud; and b) carry on the voting until Friday, when the winner will be ingloriously crowned during a small ceremony hosted by Sherman Helmsley at the Writer’s Guild and broadcast live on E! Television sister network B!, the underread blog network—I am splitting today’s post into two subjects, both reflected in the EPSN-radio-inspired column title listed above.

First off, the Sox managed to take two of three at home from The The Angels Angels of Anaheim (instant translation from underperforming Spanish name thanks to yours truly) thanks to the suddenly red-hot bat of Kevin “KFC” Millar and despite a beating laid upon the Sox ‘pen the likes of which haven’t been seen in Boston since Whitey Bulger skipped town.

Overlook the 9 runs given up in 3 innings by the likes of Mssrs. Embree, Timlin, Mantei and Halama on an otherwise idyllic Saturday afternoon (good to see Brandon once again sporting the corn-rows and back to his old adequate-but-not-spectacular self), and the Sox pretty much had their drunken way with the sun-bleached bitches from the O.C., winning the first and last game of the 3-game set in convincing fashion.

Trust me, had yesterday’s game and Saturday’s been swapped, the picture painted herein would be MUCH less rosy, much more profanity-laced and much likelier to get me listed in an FBI domestic terrorist database. But as things stand, there is much joy in Beantown as the bats begin to heat up with the weather, the queens from Queer Eye pitch in, and the Boston Red Sox 2005 Victory Tour rolls on to St. Louis, site of the vanquishing of that thing that rhymes with "schmurse" that we all used to worry about so much.

Secondly, snarktastic™ Hollywood gossip-monger and frequent holder of First-Stop status in my daily web-browsing hierarchy Defamer reports on CAA’s flak-happy distribution of the script for video game crossover/soon to be force-fed franchise Halo to the major studios about town. Pictured below is one of the aforementioned deliveries, captured this afternoon as the metallic jade robo-courier waits patiently to receive his cappuccino. The beverage, once received, was subsequently launched through the new Espresso-cannon, unlocked only after defeating the swarming nelphoids of level 12, and embedded into the skull of an unsuspecting java-naïve intern.

Pray for him.