“I Killed Tony Danza”*: Burning Truck Edition
Meet Edward White of Livermore, Massachusetts.
Last Wednesday, Mr. White was driving his big rig on I-495 through Haverhill (pronounced by the locals as “HAY-vrull”) when he collided with a car and careened into a guardrail, leaving the cab of his rig hanging over the raging waters of the mighty Merrimack River. If this situation wasn’t perilous enough, Mr. White’s truck then caught on fire, causing the driver to plummet 60 feet into the river below. Though severely injured from the crash and subsequent fall, Mr. White managed to swim to a small island where he was rescued. No further information is given as to the contents of the truck, Mr. White’s current condition, or what exactly would cause a truck that size to SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST ON IMPACT.
Edward White, for extreme bravery under (literal) fire, for persevering through all obstacles, and for somehow surviving a spectacular car crash/car fire/jump from bridge trifecta, you are the winner of this week’s “I Killed Tony Danza” Absurd (Near) Death of the Week! Congratulations! Your prizes can be picked up as soon as you finish that last delivery.
*No washed up TV actors were harmed in the production of this column
Last Wednesday, Mr. White was driving his big rig on I-495 through Haverhill (pronounced by the locals as “HAY-vrull”) when he collided with a car and careened into a guardrail, leaving the cab of his rig hanging over the raging waters of the mighty Merrimack River. If this situation wasn’t perilous enough, Mr. White’s truck then caught on fire, causing the driver to plummet 60 feet into the river below. Though severely injured from the crash and subsequent fall, Mr. White managed to swim to a small island where he was rescued. No further information is given as to the contents of the truck, Mr. White’s current condition, or what exactly would cause a truck that size to SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST ON IMPACT.
Edward White, for extreme bravery under (literal) fire, for persevering through all obstacles, and for somehow surviving a spectacular car crash/car fire/jump from bridge trifecta, you are the winner of this week’s “I Killed Tony Danza” Absurd (Near) Death of the Week! Congratulations! Your prizes can be picked up as soon as you finish that last delivery.
*No washed up TV actors were harmed in the production of this column
posted by bd @ 5/17/2005 01:29:00 PM
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