Inane Query Letter of the Week #5
This week’s installment of IQLW comes from the kind of C- celebrity that thrives in a town full of big fat obnoxious reality TV castoffs, all looking to extend their 15 minutes of fame past May sweeps. Please welcome Steven W. Bailey, the first submitter whose name I don’t particularly feel bad about disclosing to you readers.
Without further ado:
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From Steven W. Bailey, the star of FOX's "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé"
Long before I was dancing in my underwear on television worldwide for millions of people, I was training and working as an actor. Along the way I have come in contact with wonderful and talented writers who have helped teach me this craft of storytelling. This is one of many projects I am now shopping around town. I thank you in advance for your kind attention.
Steven W. Bailey
THE PITCH
"Killing Cupid"
"A young man is kidnapped and forced to participate in a very aggressive cure for his severely broken heart."
[There's Something about Mary meets The Game]
Genre: Romantic Comedy / Dark Comedy
Seth is deeply in love with Kathy. He lays out the perfect Valentine's Day evening: roses, chocolates, dinner and a wedding proposal... But Kathy laughs in his face at the suggestion and leaves him flat. Cupid could have shot a love arrow into Kathy's heart, but instead, that little jerk kicked Seth square in the nuts! Broken-hearted and alone, Seth is crushed and his depression brings him to the end of his rope... quite literally. Thank God he runs into Cody and his rag-tag gang of friends who have created and developed "The Process". An intense, violent, and hilarious multi-step system designed to cure any poor sap of a busted heart. These strangers kidnap and force a terrified Seth through "The Process". He resists, but deep down he is grateful to his new friends and knows that this is the only way for him to get over Kathy... and kill that bastard Cupid!
I would like to submit this screenplay for your consideration and can be contacted as listed below.
Thanks much!
Steven W. Bailey
310 770 3347
stevenwbailey@sbcglobal.net
Manager: Scott Fedro
Lonestar Entertainment
323 939 8289
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It deserves to be noted, this is also the first script query that secured its place in this column before I even laid eyes on the script concept. Yes, the sparkling name value was enough for me. After delving deeper, I was sent into a tizzy by the startling imagery within: Cupid’s “love arrows”…rag-tag gangs of friends…nut kicking…and can you do any better than the comparison to There’s Something About Mary and The Game? Goddammit, it’s genius. I’ve always wanted to submit a query letter for a non-existent script with similar comparisons, something like “It’s Star Wars meets Terms of Endearment” or “It’s Muppets Take Manhattan meets Deep Throat”. Ah, but I digress…
Needless to say, if you feel the overwhelming desire to pepper Mr. Bailey or his manager with crank phone calls, e-mails, requests for autographed photos or advice regarding the “craft of storytelling,” feel free. And don’t forget to tell ‘em who sent ya!
Without further ado:
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
From Steven W. Bailey, the star of FOX's "My Big Fat Obnoxious Fiancé"
Long before I was dancing in my underwear on television worldwide for millions of people, I was training and working as an actor. Along the way I have come in contact with wonderful and talented writers who have helped teach me this craft of storytelling. This is one of many projects I am now shopping around town. I thank you in advance for your kind attention.
Steven W. Bailey
THE PITCH
"Killing Cupid"
"A young man is kidnapped and forced to participate in a very aggressive cure for his severely broken heart."
[There's Something about Mary meets The Game]
Genre: Romantic Comedy / Dark Comedy
Seth is deeply in love with Kathy. He lays out the perfect Valentine's Day evening: roses, chocolates, dinner and a wedding proposal... But Kathy laughs in his face at the suggestion and leaves him flat. Cupid could have shot a love arrow into Kathy's heart, but instead, that little jerk kicked Seth square in the nuts! Broken-hearted and alone, Seth is crushed and his depression brings him to the end of his rope... quite literally. Thank God he runs into Cody and his rag-tag gang of friends who have created and developed "The Process". An intense, violent, and hilarious multi-step system designed to cure any poor sap of a busted heart. These strangers kidnap and force a terrified Seth through "The Process". He resists, but deep down he is grateful to his new friends and knows that this is the only way for him to get over Kathy... and kill that bastard Cupid!
I would like to submit this screenplay for your consideration and can be contacted as listed below.
Thanks much!
Steven W. Bailey
310 770 3347
stevenwbailey@sbcglobal.net
Manager: Scott Fedro
Lonestar Entertainment
323 939 8289
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It deserves to be noted, this is also the first script query that secured its place in this column before I even laid eyes on the script concept. Yes, the sparkling name value was enough for me. After delving deeper, I was sent into a tizzy by the startling imagery within: Cupid’s “love arrows”…rag-tag gangs of friends…nut kicking…and can you do any better than the comparison to There’s Something About Mary and The Game? Goddammit, it’s genius. I’ve always wanted to submit a query letter for a non-existent script with similar comparisons, something like “It’s Star Wars meets Terms of Endearment” or “It’s Muppets Take Manhattan meets Deep Throat”. Ah, but I digress…
Needless to say, if you feel the overwhelming desire to pepper Mr. Bailey or his manager with crank phone calls, e-mails, requests for autographed photos or advice regarding the “craft of storytelling,” feel free. And don’t forget to tell ‘em who sent ya!
posted by bd @ 4/15/2005 05:06:00 PM
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