Inane Query Letter of the Week #3
Last week in this space, we were treated to the mind-blistering unintentional comedy of the quickly dubbed the “Best. Query Letter. Ever.” Today being April Fools Day, I dabbled with the idea of creating a query letter of my own to trump the best of the best, a product of my own twisted mind that would make even the author of KING SHARK cringe. But alas, my own e-mail inbox was my undoing once again, as I was treated this morning to what can only be described as a veritable second coming of greatness, prose so whimsical and subject matter so vital that it dares one to look away.
But I prattle on too much. Best, as usual, to let the material do the talking. It is with great pleasure (and a modicum of shame) that I present to you the Best. Query Letter SEQUEL. Ever!
Warning: this feature is not for the faint of heart (or the good of taste for that matter). The following is unedited and all typos/misspellings have been left in their original forms. Enjoy.
Dear Sirs,
I would like to kindly ask you, to allow me to submit to your for your evaluation, a hard copy of my script PLANET SHARK, the sequel of KING SHARK. It's family - children oriented and it's really something you would love to read, I think. I would be very grateful if you'd give me this chance to submit it to you.
PLANET SHARK
SHARKOS is a planet formed by water only and it exists in another galaxy! Their ruler, KING SHARKOR, is evil and he has a huge army of evil sharkies, with chicken feet, red eyes, shark faces and they can talk! They have now been upgraded and also have chicken hands! King Sharkor has pesonal issues to settle with Henry, a young kid who was involved in adventures at his cousin's island, during the KING SHARK episode! He sends a starship to earth and kidnaps Henry and his friends, bringing them to SHARKOS, to sit trial before all evil sharkies! His underwater compound is a submerged island, that sits at the bottom of the ocean! Henry and his friends, Kyle, Amanda and Miyamoto, among others, try to escape desperately, before there's a ruling from the ancient shark's justices! They meet with Mr. Perry, who in fact is Space Shark, KING SHARKOR's cousin! But Mr. Perry betrays them! Their only way out is to try to persuade KING SHARKOR that they can turn him into a major rock star on earth, with his horrible rock band THE SHARKS! Will King Sharkor take the bait? He wants to become a rock star by all means! That's the only card that Henry and his friends have to gamble with him! Or else..... they will become shark food!
I'd appreciate your response to my e-mail and I'd be very happy if you'd give me the chance to read my script. It's very important for me.
Best Regards and thank you!
NAME WITHHELD TO PROTECT THE STUPID
But I prattle on too much. Best, as usual, to let the material do the talking. It is with great pleasure (and a modicum of shame) that I present to you the Best. Query Letter SEQUEL. Ever!
Warning: this feature is not for the faint of heart (or the good of taste for that matter). The following is unedited and all typos/misspellings have been left in their original forms. Enjoy.
Dear Sirs,
I would like to kindly ask you, to allow me to submit to your for your evaluation, a hard copy of my script PLANET SHARK, the sequel of KING SHARK. It's family - children oriented and it's really something you would love to read, I think. I would be very grateful if you'd give me this chance to submit it to you.
PLANET SHARK
SHARKOS is a planet formed by water only and it exists in another galaxy! Their ruler, KING SHARKOR, is evil and he has a huge army of evil sharkies, with chicken feet, red eyes, shark faces and they can talk! They have now been upgraded and also have chicken hands! King Sharkor has pesonal issues to settle with Henry, a young kid who was involved in adventures at his cousin's island, during the KING SHARK episode! He sends a starship to earth and kidnaps Henry and his friends, bringing them to SHARKOS, to sit trial before all evil sharkies! His underwater compound is a submerged island, that sits at the bottom of the ocean! Henry and his friends, Kyle, Amanda and Miyamoto, among others, try to escape desperately, before there's a ruling from the ancient shark's justices! They meet with Mr. Perry, who in fact is Space Shark, KING SHARKOR's cousin! But Mr. Perry betrays them! Their only way out is to try to persuade KING SHARKOR that they can turn him into a major rock star on earth, with his horrible rock band THE SHARKS! Will King Sharkor take the bait? He wants to become a rock star by all means! That's the only card that Henry and his friends have to gamble with him! Or else..... they will become shark food!
I'd appreciate your response to my e-mail and I'd be very happy if you'd give me the chance to read my script. It's very important for me.
Best Regards and thank you!
NAME WITHHELD TO PROTECT THE STUPID
posted by bd @ 4/01/2005 10:25:00 AM
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