Stranger than Fiction

It had to happen. In fact, it’s long overdue. We, as a collective reality TV watching entity, have waited for years. Endured the slings and arrows of Ozzy and Ashlee, “The Littlest Groom” and “Who Wants to Pimp My Mom on Hollywood Blvd.” But it was worth the wait. Finally, VH1 has taken the pseudo-celebrity reality genre where it belonged all along: traveling around the country following Sacramento Kings guard Doug Christie…just like his wife does.

The Sacramento Bee reported today that VH1 is in negotiations with Doug and Jackie Christie to star in a reality show for the cable network. Though nothing has been finalized, the proposal is for a documentary-style reality show focusing on the unique partnership between Christie and his wife, including Jackie traveling on the Kings’ team plane to away games, joining her husband on the floor immediately after games and joining her husband in engaging in handbag fisticuffs with opposing players in the locker room tunnel.

Make no mistake: Doug Christie is a pretty boring dude. Quiet. Shy. Likes designing his own clothes and hanging out with his kids. But this show is not about Doug. He might as well change his name. Starting at guard, number thirteen, Mr. Jackie Christie.

Jackie Christie has become a media-created train wreck. She is consistently portrayed as an overprotective, jealous whip-cracker. Most importantly, thanks to her run-in with Rick Fox, JC manages to score in the high-90’s on the Bill “The Sports Guy” Simmons Unintentional Comedy Scale (BSUCS), rarified air occupied by the likes of M.C. Hammer on “The Surreal Life”, Keanu in “Point Break” (“I AM AN F.B.I. AGENT!”) and the guy that keeps yelling “Warrioooooooors! Come out and plaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!” And as our new friends at The Brushback remind us, Jackie Christie's jealousy could one day inadvertently lead to the tragic death of her infinite love/meal ticket.

So please, God, if you’re there and you can hear me and you have any sway with the folks at VH1, make this happen. Please. I know following up the whole Sox World Series thing with another request of this magnitude is a lot to ask, but really it’s not just for me. It’s for my girlfriend, who may start letting me watch basketball if there’s a good Desperate Houswifey plotline involved. It’s for The Sports Guy, who has been calling for this for years. And most of all, it’s for poor Doug Christie, who will clearly get the snot beat outta him by Jackie should this fail. C’mon, God. Do it for Doug.

Thanks to Jer for bringing this to my attention. And to think I wasted my whole morning reading about tsunami victims and Alberto Gonzales. For shame.


Branded!