The Lard Cheesus Crust Alrighty

To go along with the excellent piece in the same pages about the more scholastic (though not necessarily secular) look being taken with regard to the historical accuracy of the story (read: myth) of the birth of Jesus of Nazareth, here are a few interesting numbers from a recent Newsweek poll on American beliefs about Jesus Christ:

-Seventy-nine percent of Americans believe that, as the Bible says, Jesus Christ was born of the Virgin Mary, without a human father (proving that nobody wants to think of their parents having sex...especially not the Virgin Mother).

-Twenty-four percent of Americans believe the story of Christmas is a theological invention written to affirm faith in Jesus Christ (In conjunction with the first bit of data, we can infer that three percent of Americans believe that though the story of Jesus' birth is fiction, the part about the chick getting knocked up without having sex is totally true. What part did they have a problem with? Do they not believe in mixing frankincense with myrrh? Do they find it hard to swallow that some little boy played his drum while the ox and lambs kept time pah-rum-pum-pum-pum? Who are these people?)

-In general, say 55 percent of those polled, every word of the Bible is literally accurate (In related news, the same 55% of respondents are up in arms that Theresa Heinz has not yet been turned into a pillar of salt).

-93 percent of Americans say they believe Jesus Christ actually lived and 82 percent believe Jesus Christ was God or the Son of God. Fifty-two percent of all those polled believe, as the Bible proclaims, that Jesus will return to earth someday (no word on how many believe that He has already come back to earth in the form of a certain retarded cowboy/former Governor of Texas).

Of course, the same pollsters also said that Kerry was gonna win…