Earlier today Baltimore Ravens running back Jamal Lewis pleaded down his charges on conspiracy to deal coke. He has agreed to a four-month term, to be served immediately following the conclusion of the NFL season. I’m gonna go ahead and gloss over the fact that this guy was brought up on felony drug charges because he allegedly (do we still have to say “allegedly” after the guy’s plead guilty? Is Martha Stewart still an “alleged” insider trader? Is Mafiaboy still an “alleged” computer hacker? Or an “alleged” Canadian for that matter? I need to know these things) tried to hook up a dealer (who happened to be an undercover cop) with an “alleged” childhood friend of his that wanted a shitload of coke that only an football player could get his paws on. I mean, who hasn’t done this in their life? Isn’t that what the first year out of college is like for everyone? Trying to find the right mix of your old school friends from the ‘hood with your new professional life? It’s truly a slippery slope. That aside, how the FUCK does this work? This guy is completely bent over the desk by these drug charges, looking at ten years in the pen, and manages to plea bargain down to four months? AND he doesn’t see a day of prison until AFTER the football season ends (and after he collects his multi-million dollar paycheck plus incentives that wouldn’t have matured had he gone to trial in November, as originally scheduled)? And all he had to do was rat out his “alleged” friend from way back? Where do I sign up? You think Joe Nobody working at the Home Depot who gets caught in a drug sting can tell the cops “Listen, we got a big shipment of lumber coming in next week…think it can wait ‘til then?” Unbelievable. Ok, I’m taking a breath now.

Speaking of unbelievable, if you thought the Britney wedding-porn would end with the e-bay panty listing from yesterday, you ain’t seen nothing yet.

After throwing Larry Bowa to the wolves a few days back, despite leading the team to back-to-back winning seasons for the first time since Reagan’s first term, the Philadelphia Phillies are interviewing candidates for their much sought after managerial job. Among the interviewees are Cleveland Indians retread Charlie Manuel, former Colorado and NY Mets manager (and all-time HBP leader) Don Baylor, and the one and only Grady Little. I can’t speak much for the first two (except to say that they’ve already been fired a combined three times by teams that totally suck), but as for Grady Gump, I will say this: if any other city besides Boston deserves this guy, it’s Philly. I hear Johnny Mac and Jimy Williams are free too. Good luck, fellas.