A Dirt Dog Afternoon

Hope you all enjoyed my ode to the Dirt Dogs yesterday. It’s pretty hard to describe the feelings that come along with your team accomplishing the near impossible. Not only was this the first time a team has come back from an 0-3 hole, but it was the first time the Red Sox beat the Yankees in the postseason EVER. That includes one game playoffs, divisional series (only around since ’95, but still) and ALCS. This team accomplished what no other Boston team on record could, not since the days when players wore flannel knickers and smoked cigars in the dugout. I’m sure, if you care, you’ve already read everything there is to read about the Sox’ amazing victory and/or the Yankees’ catastrophic defeat, so there’s not much new to tell. I’ll prolly have some thoughts after the first two games on Monday, but for now, savor the victory, oh Red Sox Faithful. The best is yet to come.

Onward to the football picks (Home team in CAPS):

St. Louis over MIAMI – is 0-16 out of the question for these Dolphins? Are John McKay, Steve Spurrier and 0-14 Tampa Bay Yucs of 1976 planning a gathering like when Shula, Griese, and the rest of the undefeated 1972 Phins team meet up after the last undefeated team is beaten each year? When are the Bills coming to Miami?

MINNESOTA over Tennessee – Even without Randy Moss, this Vikings offense is incredible. Daunte Culpepper is putting up ’91 Warren Moon/’01 Kurt Warner type numbers. He’s got more TDs than all but three other TEAMS ferchrissakes!

Culpepper is without a doubt the finest Irish-American athlete since the late great John J. Flanagan threw the hammer a record 180 feet in the nineteen-aught-nine world championships. Flanagan was a New York City Policeman and concurrently the world record holder in his sport for nearly twenty years. Nice work, Daunte, but until you strap on some riot gear and shuffle into Yankee Stadium for your day job, you’re still just a pretty-boy athlete in my book.

Little known fact: Culpepper joins Donovan McNabb, Jermaine and Shaquille O’Neal, Chuck McElroy and Troy O’Leary as charter members in the New Official Order of Black Irish Athletes (NOOBIA). Erin go bragh, laddies! There be a special spot i’ heaven a-waitin’ ye when ye leave this mortal coil. Long may ye reign, oh great sons of Eire!

N.Y. GIANTS over Detroit – Over/under for when the Giants players finally get sick of Tom Coughlin’s overbearing, drill sergeant “tough love” bullshit and start performing down to their abilities: 4 weeks.

TAMPA BAY over Chicago – Somebody has to win this game, right?

CAROLINA over San Diego – The Chargers will prolly win this game, but I have some weird gut feeling that the Panthers turn around is about to begin. Playing at home, desperate for a win or else the season is pretty much over. Stephen Davis is healthy and the receivers are starting to warm up in the absence of Steve Smith. Don’t count this team out yet…unless they lose this week.

BALTIMORE over Buffalo – Is there anything more painful than watching Drew Bledsoe try to scramble away from pressure? Can anything scare him more than the thought of Ray Lewis spying him on 6 out of every 10 downs? Yipes.

Philadelphia over CLEVELAND – If you missed Peter King’s conversation with Terrell Owens in SI last week (or in his weekly Monday Morning Quarterback column…or on “Inside the NFL” on HBO) do yourself a favor and check it out. King’s contempt for the way Owens carries himself and treats those around him is very thinly veiled, which leads to off-the-chart unintentional comedic exchanges like this:

Q: What is it that America doesn't know about you?

Owens: Probably that I'm down to earth. A lot of people think I'm stuck up. Pretty much that I'm arrogant. I only do that when I'm on the field. Off the field I'm down to earth. I'm a very caring person. I'm a very giving person.

And this gem from King himself: “I assume this is the last one-on-one I'll get with Owens. When I mentioned how he must really love Inside the NFL, because of prior clashes with Cris Collinsworth and Cris Carter, he said, "I tune into it every now and then, but I don't really care for it. The only two guys I like on there are Dan Marino and Bob Costas. So when you come next year, I probably won't do the interview."”

INIDANAPOLIS over Jacksonville – Is it really possible that the top two contenders for the AFC South crown will play their second and final head-to-head game in week seven? Wonder if the schedule makers might have underestimated the Jags…

KANSAS CITY over Atlanta – See “CAROLINA over San Diego” and substitute Priest Holmes for Stephen Davis and Eddie Kennison for Steve Smith.

NEW ENGLAND over N.Y. JETS – Can it get any better than beating the Yankees in the playoffs AND handing the Jets their first loss of the season in one week? Ask me next Saturday after Game 6 in Fenway.

Seattle over ARIZONA – I was supposed to go to this game with the Mick. Mick was at the game last weekend in Foxboro when the Pats dismantled the Seahawks. I haven’t heard from him since. Mick, if you’re out there, please call. We’re all worried about you.

Dallas over GREEN BAY – The Cowboys are 2-3. The Packers are 2-4. Only one of these teams is really better than their record and has a legitimate shot at still making the playoffs. I’ll give you a hint which one: their starting quarterback’s name rhymes with Crestaverde.

OAKLAND over New Orleans – I am picking the Saints to lose every game from here on in. Honestly, even if they win, I won’t feel bad. Haslett the Terrible must be stopped

Denver over CINCINNATI – Droughns! Palmer! It’s Monday Night Football!

Last week: 9-5
Overall: 52-36 (59.1%)