So Week Three of the NFL season is upon us and I’m looking to redeem myself. I’m short on time this week, so I’ll make it quick (Home team in CAPS):

ST. LOUIS over New Orleans: Without Deuce McAllister, the Saints don’t stand a chance against the Rams’ high-powered offense. But to win this, St. Lou needs to run the ball with Marshall Faulk and Stephen Jackson more than they have so far this year.

MIAMI over Pittsburgh: Thanks to an injury to starter (and ex-XFL MVP) Tommy Maddox, the Steelers are starting rookie Ben Roethethlesslebergerer at QB on Sunday. Miami’s offense has been downright awful this season, but their defense is still stingy enuff to make the day tough for the rook, especially in 100-degree heat (and hurricanes?) like they’re forecasting for Miami. Plus, they gotta win sometime, right?

MINNESOTA over Chicago: That giant sucking sound you hear is the air going out of Bears fans after the emotional win last week against Green Bay. Chicago has lost two starters in their secondary, and without Mike Brown at safety and CB Charles Tillman (the only guy they have with a prayer of keeping up with Randy Moss) it could be a long day for the Bears.

N.Y. GIANTS over Cleveland: I’m not gonna be quite so quick to jump on the Jeff Garcia bandwagon again, especially not after that performance last week. Plus, Cleveland has negative pass rush, which is the only way to get under Giants’ QB Kurt Warner’s skin. Give him time, and he’ll pick you apart, which is what he will do to the Browns this week.

ATLANTA over Arizona: Michael Vick showed flashes of his old self with a 100+ yard rushing game last week against the Rams. The Cardinals’ defense is slower and less aggressive to the ball than the Rams’ D is, and their offense just doesn’t have the firepower to contend.

Baltimore over CINCINNATI: Baltimore’s defense held Bengals’ RB Rudi Johnson to something like 21 yards rushing in their meeting last year, and Cincy has shown me little to prove that their O-line is much improved on running plays. Plus, you have to imagine that Ray Lewis and company are licking their chops to get at rookie QB Carson Palmer after what they did last week to the Steelers.

Philly over DETROIT: In a battle of undefeated teams, the time has come to separate the proverbial wheat from the chaff. Detroit’s defense has kept them in games, even winning it for them last week against Houston on that spectacular interception and runback by Barrett Green and his subsequent pick of David Carr in the end zone to ice it. But the Eagles’ offense is a bit of a step up from the Texans’, and I can’t see Philly’s D letting Joey Harrington fling the ball all over the field like he did last week. Hope you enjoyed it while you could, Lions fans.

Jacksonville over TENNESSEE: I know. I KNOW. You’d think having Miami win a game would be enough of an upset special, but I just got a feeling about this Jax team. They’ve only allowed 20 points in two games! They haven’t allowed a 100-yard rusher in a season’s worth of games. Steve McNair has a way of winning these types of games when the matter, but my guess is he’s keeping on the glasses and avoiding phone booths this week.

Houston over KANSAS CITY: KC’s defense has been downright horrible this year, and Houston’s offense has shown signs of life with big numbers put up against San Diego and Detroit. On the flip side, it looks like KC will be missing big play receiver Eddie “Sam” Kennison and workhorse Priest Holmes, and Trent Green has looked average at best this season. Advantage, Houston.

DENVER over San Diego: Drew Brees couldn’t beat these guys without a concussion. The only way Denver loses this game is by giving it to the Chargers, which is not beyond the realm of Jake Plummer’s possibility. But SD’s shoddy D gives Denver the edge here.

INDIANAPOLIS over Green Bay: Mike “Vanilli” McKenzie is back starting for the Pack after a long holdout, but Indy’s full-throttle offense is nigh impossible to keep in check in their Home at the Dome. Look for some fireworks as Brett Favre and Peyton Manning light up the scoreboard, but the aging Pack D will be hard pressed to keep up.

SEATTLE over San Francisco: Okay. I get it. Don’t bet against the Seahawks. They might actually be for real this year. That’s why I will be betting on the ‘Hawks every week from now on, even when they aren’t playing against an 0-2 team with Ken Dorsey at QB at home where they were 8-0 last year. At least until they prove me wrong.

OAKLAND over Tampa Bay: The Gruden Bowl Deux. The rematch of Super Bowl XXXVI. The Al Davis Memorial Laff-a-lympics. Call it what you will, Tampa’s offense has looked old, slow and predictable this year, something that was supposed to be said about the elderly Raiders. Raiders get some revenge, Chris Simms is playing QB for the Bucs by halftime, and Chuckie’s seat gets a little bit hotter.

Dallas over WASHINGTON: Gibbs vs. Parcells. Back in the ‘80s, this was one of the premiere coaching matchups in the league. Now both men find themselves on the wrong side of 60 trying to propel average teams to the playoffs. Mark Brunell is out for the ‘Skins, which means that Spurrier-lad Patrick Ramsey will be taking the snaps. Dallas’ run defense is suffocating, and Clinton Portis has shown himself, outside of Denver’s magical running system, to be merely mortal. Look for a low-scoring affair with lots of coach-cam cutaways and Madden ass-kissing.

Bye Week: Buffalo, New England, NY Jets, Carolina

Record last week: 9-7
Season record: 17-15