Okay, so I realize I’ve been spending a lot of time in this space concentrating on sports matters, but since the Sox were humbled by the Muscles Marinaras last night, and I get a little too giddy every time I try to type something about the Pat’s victory over the Colts last night (there is a joke to be made regarding the Indy helmets and the old saying about “close only counts in horseshoes” but I ain’t the one to do it), today I’ll stick to a few other random thoughts going into the weekend:

*The U.S. Cricket Team has advanced to the Champion’s Cup, the world championship of the cricketing sport. This leads to three obvious questions: 1. Where do I get tickets? 2. How does one obtain “part time phlebotomy work? and 3. The U.S. has a friggin’ Cricket Team?!?

*Someone out there should really get in touch with this guy , go out with him, have a few virgin pina colatas and a whole lotta laughs and then report back to the comments section of this blog. This needs to happen, people. Your blogger demands it.

*I’ve had “Full Metal Jacket” on the brain for the last week or so and I can’t figger out why. Mebbe it’s the sudden resurgence of Vietnam as a cornerstone of this year’s presidential race or because our continued presence in Iraq has made me keenly aware of the mebbe it’s just been too damn long since I’ve seen the thing. But honestly, is there an eerier moment in cinema than this exchange:

Joker (in his boxers, standing in the bathroom doorway): Leonard, if Hartman finds us here, we'll be in a world of shit.

Pyle (grinning that fucked up D’Onofrio shit-eating grin): I AM…in a world…of SHIT!

I just got goosebumps. I mean, this scene is one of the most climactic moments of cinematic history, am I right? Hartman is the guy we love to hate, the tough-as-nails drill instructor, the disciplinarian father figure with some of the most quotable one-line insults ever (case in point: “Pyle, you climb obstacles like old people fuck.” Classic); and Pyle is the guy we hate to love, the class idiot that you can’t help feeling sorry for and wanting to help, even though he’s gonna get you in trouble and drag you down. Everyone knows it’s coming, Pyle’s breakdown I mean, after Hartman berates and belittles Pyle for like half an hour in the movie, calling him every name in the book, criticizing his work ethic, screaming in his face, hell, he even makes the guy choke himself on the Sarge’s own hand. We’re waiting for it. We’re DYING for it. And then it comes. And it’s brilliant. And even we feel like we’re living in a world of shit with these guys. And then it’s over…and THEN we go to Vietnam!?! It’s like a whole fucking ‘nother movie starts, with Joker playing war reporter and getting all serious with his whole “The dead know only one thing…that it is better to be alive” jam. The more I think about it, the more I’m certain that this is the greatest war film of all time, and may sit atop the Pantheon of my personal favorites (Don’t even start with me and the “Platoon” bullshit. “Platoon” is to “Jacket” like “Sidekicks” is to “The Karate Kid”: same sport, same ballpark, but a whole fucking different league. I can’t believe it won the fucking Oscar. Tell Castro that he can keep Ollie Stone for a box of Cohibas and his second best left-handed starter).

*Since week one of the NFL season will be in the books by the time I post again, I suppose I should post my predictions on the upcoming season now. Please keep in mind that I am a highly-trained professional in the fine art of lucky-guessing. Don’t try this at home.

AFC
Division Champs: New England (duh), Baltimore, Tennessee, KC
Wild Cards: Jets, Indy

Possible spoiler: Jax
Worse than you think: Denver

Tennessee over Indy
Jets over KC

Pats beat Jets
Baltimore beats Tennessee

Pats over Ravens in a squeaker – 20-17ish

NFC
Division Champs: Philly, Minnesota, Tampa, St. Louis
Wild Cards: Green Bay, Seattle

Possible spoiler: New Orleans
Worse than you think: Dallas

Green Bay over Minnesota
Tampa over Seattle

Tampa beats St. Louis
Philly beats Green Bay

Tampa over Philly and Donovan McNabb commits ritual hari kari at midfield.

SUPER BOWL XXXIX

The New England Patriots quiet the naysayers and become the first true dynasty of the free agent era. This will happen, dear reader. Get thee to Vegas and throw down some cash. If I’m wrong, may John Kerry shoot me in the ass for a purple heart.

Anyway, going to Sonny’s tonite to watch the Sox get back on track. If they keep playing like they have for the past month, football will remain my bastard stepchild for a bit longer yet. Enjoy your weekend, dear reader.