Dear reader, I know that, should you happen upon this modest site, it must be as a result of countless hours of mindless clicking link after link after link and reading blog after idiotic blog from assholes like me. This can’t leave you much time to watch the roughly 375 hours a day of Olympics coverage that NBC and its corporate conglomerated sister networks (CNBC, MSNBC, Bravo, USA, Court TV, The Quilting Network, Spice). Well let me tell you, you are missing out.

These folks in Athens, these paragons of modern fitness are some of the strongest most well-disciplined athletes in the world, giving forth their maximum effort in pursuit of the ultimate goal in amateur athletics.

Of course, I’m kidding. These chicks aren’t amateurs any more than the walking, talking, three-point bricklaying billionaire cry-babies on the U.S. basketball team. But for pure show, these American chicks sure did put a lickin’ on the best “amateurs” that the Brazilians or the Aussies could muster. Unlike the Somnambulant Team, these woman played with passion and determination, knowing that victory would not be handed to them (the favorite going into Athens was the Brazilian team of Sandra and Ana Paula …no, Brazilians do not have last names) but earned through blood, sweat, and some dreadfully painful looking wedgies.

I mean, seriously, H was right…their asses EAT their bathing suits.

It’s quite a sight.

Too bad you missed it.

Sucker.