Random thoughts while watching the Sox-Oreos dubbleheader and desperately trying to wash the taste of vomit from my mouth…

-How is it possible that there within a mile of my apartment there are roughly 7 Coffee Bean & Tea Leafs and 814 Starbucks, but the closest DDs is in suburban Phoenix? As in Ari-freakin’-zona! Is this a conspiracy by the California Java Confederation to keep reasonably priced coffee that doesn’t taste like battery acid out of our hands? Was this some sort of trade-off with Seattle for taking all of their drinking water and beating up on all of their sports teams? And while I’m on the subject, can someone please tell me why there is not a much greater proliferation of drive-thru coffee joints in LA? I mean, this is the town of driving your Porsche SUV (looks like a beetle…not the car, I mean a real beetle) down the driveway to your mailbox, and nobody’s figured out that on the way to work people might want to stay in their car to get their cuppa Joe? Mebbe the weather is just too nice. Mebbe Starbucks is worried about drive-thru lines reaching through the parking lot and straight to the freeway off-ramp. Someone needs to fund a multimillion-dollar government study about this. I’ll volunteer my tax refund. Who’s with me?

-Does anyone else see “The Jackson 4” making a big ol’ splash on the R&B scene in about 16 years? Me either.

-Yes, the Red Sox are starting Ricky Gutierrez at shortstop in the second head of the dubbleheader today. And yes, I still like him better than Mr. Hamm.

-Watched the first episode of “Entourage” a few nights ago. Loved the set up. Loved Jeremy Piven as an obvious caricature of every agent I've ever met and of every asshole character he's ever played. Even loved the fat friend in the Skankee jersey (if only because I know that the origin of the character has to be one of Marky Mark’s wicked awesome Sox fan buddies). But really, Marky, that cameo was pretty effin’ weak, man. Walking around the Warner lot with a backpack over your shoulder? You looked like West Beverly High extra . Next time you gratuitously inject yourself into one of your productions, try doing something interesting and out of character, like waiting tables or driving a cab or doing lines of coke off of Julianne Moore’s ass. Your public demands it, Marky. Time to show us your stuff (and this time no prosthetics).

-Visors are the new trucker hat . There, I said it.

-Who the hell is this bitch that ate Kirstie Alley?

-The “Friends” harassment suit is going to the California State Supreme Court. Apparently some of the head writers on friends spent a lot of their time cracking jokes about what it would be like to screw Jen Aniston or Courtney Cox, much to the chagrin of a female writer’s assistant. They also pantomimed masturbation around a conference table and joked about making Joey a serial rapist. Unfortunately, this storyline never made it to the big show. Thank God for spin-offs .

- Polyphonic Spree is playing at the El Rey tomorrow night. I asked Micky if I should bring anything to the show and his response was: “Acid. And mushrooms. And mushrooms stuffed with acid.” ’Nuff said.

Sox win 4-zip, split the dub with the Oreos to salvage a win in the series. Now the Skanks are coming to town and Bleeder says he’ll be ready to play. Unbelievable. Wake me when you figure out how to get brain matter out of shag carpet.